Hotel Jiraiya: Prevert Hotel
by NowOrNever
Summary: After a mission, Kakashi decides to take Cell Seven to a hotel. What is in store for the members of Cell Seven at this hotel...? [SasuNaru] [crack] [possible Sakura bashing]
1. Chapter 1

Well! A new story! Don't worry though; I'll finish my other one. This one just called to me. It said, "Write me, bitch! Write me now!" So I had to comply. This story will be SasuNaru (as I believe all Naruto fics should be) and hopefully have lots and lots of Sakura-bashing! XD Because I just never get around to it... And that makes me sad. So anyway! I hope you enjoy this. It's crack-tastic.

Disclaimer: Yes. I own Naruto. :sarcasm floods the world: Other than a set of Naruto swingers, I own nothing to do with Naruto. But I do adore those swingers! XD :plays with Itachi-swinger and Gaara-swinger:

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Cell Seven had just gotten done with their latest mission, and were ready to go home. The young genin were all drained, even though they didn't want to admit it, and they just wanted to crawl into their nice, warm beds and sleep. However, their jounin sensei had other plans…

"I've always been told this village is a lovely place, but never had a chance to check it out. Why don't we stay here for the night?" The man smiled at him from behind his mask. "Besides, it's getting quite late and it looks as though it's going to storm…" As if confirming this statement, the sky let out a low rumble.

"Kakashi-sensei, there are no hotels," stated a young girl with pink hair and green eyes. She frowned at her sensei; she just wanted to get home. On the other hand… She may get to share a room with her crush…

Hearing the group's plight, an old woman, with a hunched back hobbled over to them. "I couldn't help overhearing your conversation… You said you needed a place to stay? Why, my son owns a nice hotel on the other side of town! Come with me…" She ushered them after her.

"Wait! Isn't that a hotel right there?" The team's sensei, Hatake Kakashi of the gravity defying silver hair, pointed to a small, decrepit hotel just across the way. "Hotel Jiraiya!"

The old woman's eyes widened. "Oh! You don't want to be goin' in there, dearies. 'Round these parts, that place is known as…" She looked around conspiratorially, and beckoned them closer with a finger. "The Prevert Hotel."

The young blond boy of the group cocked his head to the side, his blue eyes narrowing in confusion. "What's a 'prevert'?"

The other boy of the group, who had raven black hair, rolled his equally black eyes. "She meant 'pervert', dobe." He sighed, wondering when they could leave the old woman. Her breath was rancid.

Blondie, a.k.a. Uzumaki Naruto, scowled at the other boy. "Oi! I'm _not_ a dobe, teme! Stop calling me that!" He lunged for the other boy.

"Naruto! Stop talking to Sasuke-kun like that!" Pinky, a.k.a. Haruno Sakura, smacked Naruto on the head, causing him to fall to the ground. No one got away with talking to Sasuke with her around, no siree.

Uchiha Sasuke, a.k.a. the Walking Ice-brick of Konoha, bit back a yawn. His teammates, especially the pink one, could be so tiring. Wonderful. Now he was starting to sound like Nara Shikamaru, a.k.a. the lazy one.

Elsewhere, in Konoha, a young brown haired genin sneezed.

Kakashi smiled at the old woman, ignoring his team who were currently fighting. "Well, it was very kind of you to offer your son's hotel, but I think we'll just stick with this one. We don't have much money on us… And this one doesn't look too expensive…"

The old woman snorted. "Fine! Take your luck at the Prevert Hotel. But don't say I didn't warn you…" And with that, she hobbled off, muttering under her breath.

Straightening up, Kakashi clapped his hands together. "Well! Let's go check in, shall we?"

He started towards the hotel, followed by Sasuke, the only one paying the slightest bit of attention.

When Naruto and Sakura noticed that their comrades' signature chakra was missing, they paused and looked around. "Where are Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke-kun/the teme?" They spotted them just entering the doors of the hotel. "OI! Wait for us!" And they took off after them.

Inside, Kakashi talked to the man behind the counter. He was older, with crazy white hair, and a peculiar glint in his eye. The two talked in hushed voices, rousing suspicion in the three genin.

"Why is Kakashi-sensei talking to that man like he knows him?"

"Maybe he does, dobe."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT, TEME!"

"Make me."

"I WILL! Someday…"

"I know a way you can shut him up now!" Kakashi sang.

"We don't want to hear it," they replied in unison, deadpanned.

The man behind the counter beamed. "I see what you mean, Kakashi."

Kakashi smiled at the man.

Naruto couldn't handle all of the secrecy. "What the hell is going on here!"

The two adults looked at him. "Whatever do you mean, Naruto?"

Naruto was on the verge of crying in frustration.

Kakashi ignored this and smiled at his team. "Team, I'd like to introduce you to the manager of the hotel, Jiraiya-sama. Jiraiya, this is my team. You already know about Naruto and Sasuke, and this is Haruno Sakura."

Jiraiya beamed at Naruto and Sasuke, and added a little leer at Sakura. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Sakura-san."

Sakura eyed the man warily. "Nice to meet you, Jiraiya-sama…"

"Well," Kakashi started, "Jiraiya has informed me that one of the rooms I reserved had to be used, so we only have two rooms. Sasuke, Naruto? That means you two have to share."

"Wait… You mean you reserved the rooms ahead of time? You planned all of this, Sensei!"

Kakashi faked an innocent look. "Planned what, Naruto? I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about. Now, here's the key, Sasuke. Make sure you take care of Naruto. You know he can be childish. Come now, Sakura. Our room is on the other side of the hotel." He placed an arm around Sakura's shoulders and led her away.

"Bu-Bu-But…" She looked back over her should, longingly. _'I wanted to room with Sasuke-kun…'_

"No 'buts', Sakura. It would be very inappropriate of me to let you and Naruto room together. I do declare, what do you think of me? That cuts me deep, Sakura… Have you no faith in your sensei? Am I so low in your eyes?" He threw his other arm over his eyes. "Oh the pain! Oh the agony! My student does not believe in me! Woe is me!"

"Sensei! That's not true! I believe in you, sensei! … Did you say me and Naruto? You thought I wanted to room with _Naruto_!"

Their voices trailed off as Kakashi continued to lead Sakura away from the lobby, Sasuke and Naruto.

Sasuke, Naruto and Jiraiya stared after the two, disgusted, confused and impressed, respectively. Jiraiya smiled at the two boys in the lobby.

"So! You boys going to go to your room or what?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I'm going to the room. Naruto can do what he pleases." He headed towards the stairs.

"Oi! Wait! I'm going to the room, too, Sasuke-teme! I'm not gonna let you have the bed! It's mine!"

"Quiet, dobe. You're too loud. You can have the couch."

"No! _You_ can have couch, teme! And _stop calling me 'dobe'!_"

Their voices faded as they made their way to their room. Jiraiya looked after them smiling, in a scary manner.

"Isn't that sweet… They already have pet names for each other…"

The jingle of bells drew his attention to a fair sized party. He blinked in surprise. He never really expected people to come in here. That old woman was being paid to scare people into not wanting to enter. What could these people want? None the less, Jiraiya smiled at them.

"Hello! Welcome to Hotel Jiraiya! What can I do you for?"

A medium sized man with a lean build, brown hair and a scar across his nose pushed himself forward among the crowd of young people. He stood at the counter, glowering at Jiraiya. And Jiraiya found himself wanting to cower under the look.

"I'm looking for Hatake Kakashi, Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura. Are they here?"

Jiraiya blinked. "Uh… Well… Who may I say is calling…?"

The man's glower darkened. "Are they here, sir!"

"Uhm…"

"Dolphy!"

This caught the attention of everyone, and they turned to see Kakashi standing there, beaming. Or at least they thought he was. It was hard to tell with that mask.

The man with the scar across his nose, a.k.a. Umino Iruka, glowered so darkly at the other man, that everyone in the room cowered, save for the person whom it was directed at.

"Kakashi! What is the meaning of this! Why didn't you come back to the village on time! And _why are you and your team checked into a hotel that is five miles from where you live!_"

Kakashi blinked at the other man. "It was too late to come back, and it looked like it was going to storm." He smiled at Iruka, a.k.a. his dolphin. "Come on, dolphin. Stay with me. I can get Sakura another room. And all of these little people can stay with her!"

The young people scowled at the jounin, angry at being called 'little people'. Well, most of them did, one just stared at the floor, another looked bored and yet another just stood there, so really, only one scowled. But she scowled enough for all of them.

Jiraiya cleared his throat. "Well! If I can have all of your names, I'll get you all rooms."

Iruka cleared his throat, and deliberately turned away from Kakashi. "Umino Iruka."

The boy with long, dark hair and white eyes stared at Jiraiya. "Hyuuga Neji."

The blonde haired, blue eyed girl who had scowled at Kakashi raised her chin proudly. "Yamanaka Ino."

The boy with his brown hair in a pony-tail sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Nara Shikamaru."

The girl with short, purple hair and pale eyes stared at her feet and twiddled her fingers nervously. "Hy-Hyuuga Hinata…"

Jiraiya smiled at them all. "Very well! Here are your keys!" He handed the boys one set of keys and the girls another. "The boys will have to share a room and the girls can share the other. We're, uhm, we're awfully full tonight…"

Jiraiya was left staring after everyone as they left the lobby, wondering _'Whendid this plan fall apart…?'_

_

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So0o0... Did you like it? Should I continue? If you think so, would you... LET ME KNOW IN A REVIEW! In case people didn't know, the author can see when people read the story, and then they also know how many out of those people review. And let me just say... the distance between those numbers is emense. So why don't we try and shorten that gap, hm? What do you say? I'll give you a cookie if you do. I may review your stories, if they happen to fall in areas that I like. And just to put the icing on the cake, I'll mention you in the next chapter! Isn't that nice of me? But I can only do that if you REVIEW! So do that. And you and I can both be happy.

Sorry to sound like a bitch, but it just really bugs me. I put a lot of work into this thing... :(

And to all of those who review my other stories... I LOVE YOU::gives cookies to other reviewers, big, chunky, warm, gooey, fresh-out-of-the-oven cookies: Enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

Yay! Chapter 2! Well... I guess I can say that _I'm_ excited. Right! So. Here it is! XD

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The sounds of sex were floating through the wall of them room next to them. Very satisfying sex if the noises were any indication. The wall would shake every now and then with the force of the bed-head slamming into it. Every now and then, a picture would threaten to fall.

A sigh. "Do you think they're making it this loud on purpose because they know we're right next door?"

A nod. "Most likely."

Another sigh. "How troublesome…"

A noise of agreement.

Elsewhere…

"WHAT! Sasuke and Naruto are sharing a room on the other side of the hotel!"

Vigorous nodding.

Righteous gesture. "Well, we have to go over there and save Sasuke-kun! Who knows what Naruto will do to him!"

Eyes widened. "Why didn't I think of that?"

A snort. "Because you're just not me, forehead."

Veins throbbing. "Shut up, Ino-pig!"

Nervous fidgeting. "Uhm… Girls… Wh-What if-if Sasuke and N-Naruto-kun are s-sleeping…?"

Eye rolling. "Hinata, how many times do we have to tell you not to call Naruto that? That's what you should be calling _Sasuke_!"

Blushing. "Go-Gomen, Ino…"

"NOW! Onto planning…"

Else-elsewhere…

Stare. Blink. More staring.

"Uhm… Sasuke-teme… Why is the bed in the shape of a heart…?"

Eye rolling. "It's a honeymoon sweet, dobe. That's why."

Temper flaring. "I am NOT a dobe, teme! Stop calling me that!"

"Okay…" Smirk. "Dobe."

Frustrated hair pulling. "Argh!"

Smug satisfaction. Sasuke moved into the room. "Well… I'll take the bed. You can have the floor."

"No way, teme! _I'll_ take the bed! _You_ can have floor!" Naruto ran and jumped on the bed. He stuck his tongue out at his dark haired companion. "Nya! In your face, teme!"

A glare. "Oi, dobe, I called it first. Get off." Sasuke marched over to Naruto, grabbed the back of his shirt and threw him to the floor.

Indignant yell. "Oi!" Glare. "I was there first!" Naruto grabbed Sasuke's leg just as he was taking a step."

Sasuke fell on Naruto, very un-Uchiha-like. His arms flew out to stop his face from hitting the floor. He blinked. He was never caught unawares.

Muffled sounds came from below. "Sasuke-teme!" Naruto took a deep breath, having just nearly been suffocated. "Get your crotch out of my face!"

Sasuke was about to answer when a thud caught their attention. They both frowned at the door, from their respective positions, though Naruto had a harder time of it. His attention again being shifted to the… to what was in front of him… He glared.

"Teme! Move your crotch! I don't want a mouthful of Uchiha Sasuke."

Sasuke looked down at him, frowning. "So you wouldn't mind if I were someone else?"

Blink. Blush. "N-No! I didn't say that! I don't want a Mouth 'O Man, alright! Is that better!" He was starting to get very uncomfortable. He shifted around to try and keep his mind off of just _what_ was in his face.

"_Just get on with it already!"_

Both boys' eyes widened and they looked frantically around. Someone was there? Who would be watching them?

Behind a picture…

Red eyes glared viciously at the long haired person next to them, who currently had a hand clapped over his mouth.

"Are you trying to give away our position," inquired the red-eyed person softly. "We have the perfect seats; don't ruin it." The look in his eyes promised a horrible and painful death.

The other man pouted. "So mean…" He muttered under his breath and went back to watching the two younger boys in their compromising position.

Back with the duo…

Naruto frowned. "You heard it too, right? I'm not going crazy?"

Sasuke snorted. "Well, I beg to differ. But yes, I heard it, too." He almost got up, but collapsed again. This time, his hands didn't catch him, his elbows did.

"MMPH!"

Sasuke hurried and pushed himself back up on his hands, before staring down at Naruto between his legs.

Naruto's face was flushed. He glared at Sasuke. "Teme! You did that on purpose!"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Dobe, you're the one who's still clutching my leg."

He was ignored, and promptly bit.

"OW! What the _fuck_, Naruto!" He sat up and placed a hand on his inner thigh, where Naruto bit him. Quite viciously. "Animal!"

Naruto grinned devilishly at him.

Behind another picture…

Stare. "Is everyone in this hotel getting it on?"

Shrug. "It would seem so…"

Sideways glance. "You think the girls are…?"

Involuntary shudder. "I'd rather not think of that…"

Curt nod. "I agree."

Silence.

Back in the room…

Silence… "Ya know, Sasuke… This position isn't any better than the first…"

Shrug. "I'm not interested in that right now." He activated Sharingan. "I can't shake the feeling that I'm being watched…" He looked around the room.

Eye rolling. "Jeeze, arrogant much? Maybe they're watching _me_."

He was ignored. "Shut up, dobe, I'm trying to concentrate." Sasuke absently put his hand over Naruto's mouth.

Naruto rolled his eyes and glared, before his eyes took on a mischievous glint. He watched Sasuke's face.

At first, Sasuke didn't notice anything. Then, he paused. Frowned. Last, he scowled. "Naruto, you're disgusting." He removed his hand and wiped it on his shorts. "I'm trying to figure out if we're being spied on, dobe."

Naruto shrugged, bringing Sasuke closer with the action. "Okay. Fair enough." He looked back up at Sasuke's face. "But is it necessary for your crotch to be in my face while doing so?"

Sasuke just shoved a piece of cloth in Naruto's mouth and resumed searching the room from his position.

Behind yet another picture…

A groan. "What's taking them so long! They're in a perfect position!" Frantic whispering and forehead smacking.

"Yo!"

Jiraiya turned to see a beaming Kakashi and a limping Iruka. "I see you two are finally ready to watch the festivities." He grinned at them. "If those two would just get on with it already!" He scowled back at his peep hole.

Iruka ceased his pointless glaring at the seemingly oblivious Kakashi, and frowned at Jiraiya. "What festivities? Who are we talking about?"

Raising an eyebrow at Kakashi, Jiraiya looked amused. "You didn't tell him?"

The cheerful shake of a head was his only answer.

The toad sannin shrugged. "We're going to see if there really is something going on between Sasuke and Naruto."

Iruka blinked. Shook his head. And blinked some more. "What!"

Kakashi and Jiraiya shushed him.

"What," he went on in a whisper. "Are you _kidding_ me! No! You can't do this! As Naruto's legal guardian, I won't allow it." He stepped forward to block Jiraiya's view through the hole.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Jiraiya warned. "I've got a bet going on, and this is the only way we'll get it settled." He shrugged. "Besides, what are you going to do about all of the other people watching?"

Iruka's eyes bugged out of their sockets. "There are more people! Who!"

Jiraiya looked thoughtful. "Well… There are all the kids that you brought… Some other people who probably shouldn't be here… And I think a few more are on their way." He shrugged again, looking unsurprised. "What can I say? Sasuke and Naruto are very popular boys."

Back with the two boys in a very compromising position who seem incapable of doing anything that would interest the people watching them not-so-secretly behind paintings…

Sigh. "Well, I guess no one's watching us… I don't sense any chakra…" A frown. "But I can swear that I feel eyes…"

Eye rolling. "Well. Now that we have that all figured out…" Naruto glared at Sasuke for the umpteenth time. "Can you _please_ get _off_ of me _now_!"

Sasuke smirked. He leaned down so that his lips were right next to Naruto's ear. "If you _really_ wanted me off, you could've pushed me off at any time…" His tongue traced the shell of Naruto's ear, causing the other boy to suck in his breath and stiffen. "So… Do you _really_ want me off, Naruto…?"

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Yay! XDThank you to those who reviewed last chapter! You guys made me smile out loud. - Seriously. This chapter is dedicated to you! 

**tea**- XD Thank you! SasuNaru is teh BEST pairing! Like there's any other pairing worth reading in Naruto. Psh! - Just kidding. I like KakaIru, too.

**Tsunade-sama**- I will! XD Thank you oh-so much! That really makes me feel good! I know it was short... But it's hard for me to make chapters long... :( I'll try harder!

**Tentenisgod**- Thank ya! - Kakashi is love::huggles Kakashi::waves SasuNaru banners: SasuNaru for life! I just felt compelled to put Neji in... -; Well... When you put it that way... Sure! XD

**Prozacfairy**- XD Thanks and I will for sure!

Also... Please. Don't ask what Itachi is doing in here. I swear. He just hopped in there. For serious. I was just sitting there, writing, minding my own business, when Itachi randomly appeared behind me and forced me to put him in. It was quite frightening. But fun. - So yes. Review, or I shall have Itachi hunt you down and force you to. :innocent beam: Right, Itachi?

Itachi- :nod:

Me- XD:pats Itachi's hair: Thank you!

So review. Or your life could be in danger... Mwahahahaha!


	3. Chapter 3

Yay! New chapter! Squee! Be happy! XD Read!

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Cheeks were burning. One pair was burning from embarrassment and _something else_, and the other one from being slapped.

The one pair's cheeks grew redder. "Stupid teme! Stupid… Stupid… HENTAI-TEME!" Naruto buried his face in his arms. "Hentai…"

Black eyes flashed. "What did you call me, dobe?" Black eyes narrowed dangerously.

Blue eyes met black in defiance. "Are you hard of hearing now, _Hentai-teme_?" A smirk made its way through the red.

A low growl. "You're dead, dobe." Sasuke lunged at Naruto, straddling his hips and pinning his arms above his head. He bent down to whisper in Naruto's ear. "I'll show you who's a Hentai…" He licked from the bottom of Naruto's neck up to his ear. "You'll see…"

Behind a certain picture…

Red eyes shone with some pride. As much pride as a stone can show. "I always knew he'd be a deviant… Awh… It looks as though he's got an ear fetish. How sweet!"

Yellow eyes glanced at the younger man. "You're a little scary, Itachi-kun…"

Eyes flashed. "What was that, Oro-chan?" He fingered a kunai that seemed to come out of nowhere.

Orochimaru, a.k.a. that strange pedophilic snake-vampire man, gulped. "Nothing, Itachi-sama…"

A small, satisfied smirk made its way across the other man's features. "That's a good boy, Oro-chan…" Uchiha Itachi, a.k.a. the genius who decided to make his little brother's life a living hell by killing their entire clan and then tormenting him throughout the years, always came out on top, manipulating others and controlling them.

Behind the door…

"Omigosh! Did Naruto say that Sasuke-kun's crotch was in his face!"

Blue eyes blinked. "Uh… I think so…"

Arms flailed wildly. "What does that mean! Are they… _together_…?"

Blue eyes widened. "Sasuke-kun… and Naruto… A couple…?"

Green met blue. "Wait… Where's Hinata?"

Sheepish blush. "Uhm…"

"Hinata! You started watching without us!"

Down cast gaze. "Sorry… I just couldn't resist…"

Crowding around small peep hole.

Back with our favorite boys…

Naruto shuddered. But it wasn't because of Sasuke! Or course not! Naruto doesn't think of Sasuke that way. No siree… Nope! It was just the feeling of what Sasuke was doing… Whispering in his ear… It didn't matter who it was. 'Course not. Nope. Naruto didn't like Sasuke like that. No way.

… Yeah… Right…

"Sasuke…" Naruto whimpered. "Stop…"

Sasuke's lips curled up. "Do you really mean that, _Naru­-chan­_? Would you really like me to stop?" His tongue traced the curve of Naruto's ear.

Naruto bit his lip to suppress a moan. "Sssaasssuke…"

Behind the 'evil' picture…

Thoughtful pose. "Hm… That boy can hiss… Maybe I could add him to my collection…"

Red eyes flashed ominously. "Shut… the… _fuck_… up… I want… to watch…"

Yellow eyes widened. "Yes, Itachi-sama!" Curling into a ball. "So evil…"

Beam. …As much of a beam as a rock can accomplish…

Behind the 'indifferent' painting…

"Hm… Who knew that that turned people on…?"

Unconcerned shrug.

Silence.

"Why are we watching?"

Shrug. "Nothing else to do?"

Side-ways glance. "Really?"

Behind the 'corrupt' picture…

Arms cross. "I still find it morally wrong to watch two, _under-aged_ people… fool around."

Perverted grin. "That just makes it better."

Innocent beam. "I concur, Jiraiya-sama."

Glare. "You're not getting any action for a week, Kakashi."

Devastation. "But, Dolphy-chan!" Cling. "You can't mean that!"

Superior look. "Au contraire, mon ami. I _can_ mean it, and I _do_ mean it." Shrug off. "You can have the couch."

Wounded puppy look. "Iruka-koi!" Arm thrown over eyes. "You're so cruel!"

Back with our boys…

Smirk. "So Naru-chan has a sensitive neck… Hm… Interesting…" Sasuke began sucking, biting and licking Naruto's neck.

These actions elicited very pleasing sounds from the smaller of the two. Naruto's back arched involuntarily.

Wider smirk. "Do you like that, Naruto?"

Half-hearted glare. "Teme… Shut up and continue."

Grin. "With pleasure…"

Behind the 'frilly' picture…

Brain functions cease.

Blink.

Stare.

Blink.

Stare.

Blink.

Massive nose-bleeds.

Covering noses.

Resuming previous positions.

Behind the 'evil' picture…

"Ooo… Now we're getting somewhere…" Evil rubbing of hands together. "Good… good…"

Uncomfortable fidgeting. "Itachi-sama…"

Eyes flash. "Silence, slave!"

Straightening. "Yes, sir!" Cower.

Back with our loverly boys who are finally getting somewhere…

Hands ghost down a toned stomach.

Squirming.

Pants being unbuttoned…

Door opening. "Hello! I'm here to bring you your-"

Freeze.

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OO This chapter killed my brain. I swear. Just the... AH! I died. This was one of only attempts I've made at like... sexyness type stuff... Please be gentle! > Also... I may suck at characterizations... But that can be expected as this fic is total crack. It's not mean to be serious. It's like... PWP. So be nice... Pwease...::puppy face:

I LOVE YOU, REVIEWERS! XD

**Tsunade-sama**- XD Thank ya! That makes me happy.

**Tentenisgod**- Hehe! I'm glad you think so. Yersh! He does! And that's why I wub him::huggles Itachi-sama: I did? OO XD Yay! Well, I've now labled the 'behind-the-pictures' stuff. So it's a little easier, I hope. Yersh. That would be Orochimaru. 'Cause I was gonna put him in, and then Itachi felt like joining him. (Because he can do that, because he's Itachi-sama.) Uhm... I think that the second one was Shikamaru and Neji... I can't say for sure, I'm not looking at the chapter. But I think the last one was Jiraiya, Kakashi and Iruka. XD It'll prolly happen in the next chapter. Naruto would bite Sasuke, and I would fangirl. As I tend to do. XD I want a Jiraiya. Then I could be pervy all the time and have a good excuse. XD

**eat 'o' matic machine**- SasuNaru is love::coughSMEXcough: What::looks around innocently: Awh... I love KakaIru... But I also just really love Kakashi...

**Prozacfairy**- Yep! Everyone in Naruto is a voyeur! XD The girls totally fainted. Wusses... I woulda been right at the convinient peep hole in a flash! Hmm... What will Naruto do...?

Sorry the chapter is so short! As I said before, it killed me to write it. X.x I'm so proud that I was able to get just that bit out! T.T Don't kill me! I have Itachi to protect me::holds Itachi in front of herself: If you want to hurt me, you have to go through him!

Now... Go on, Itachi. Tell them.

Itachi- :monotone: Review or I shall be forced to haunt your dreams with visions of fluffy animals killing demon babies.

There. Now if that isn't incentive enough, I don't know what is! I'll give you a cookie if you review! XD


	4. Chapter 4

XD YAY! NEW CHAPTER! Rejoice! Read! Review!

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The young woman who entered the room stared at the two young people in front of her. It was a very interesting position… And they were very pretty boys…

Nose-bleed.

"ACK!"

Covering of nose. "I-I'm sorry! I should've knocked first! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Behind the peep holes…

"NOOO! DIE, BITCH!"

Back in the room…

Confused glancing around.

"Sasuke, did you hear that?"

"Yes, dobe. You'd have to be deaf not to hear that."

Flushed cheeks. "I'm not a dobe! Stop calling me that!"

Nervous shifting. "Uhm… I've brought towels…"

Glance. "What are you here?"

Blink. "Uhm… towels?"

Eye roll. "Why are you _still_ here?"

A random kunai flew through the air and struck the woman in the side of the head.

…

"What the fuck!"

Behind the 'frilly' picture…

Confused blinking. "Where did the kunai come from?"

Shrug. "I don't know."

"Sh-shouldn't someone help her…?"

Skeptical look. "You want to go in there and have Sasuke-sama and Naruto know they're being watched?"

Eyes widen. "N-No!"

Behind the 'indifferent' picture…

"I wonder where the kunai came from… I haven't seen anyone else…"

Shrug. "What a waste of kunai…"

Nod.

Behind the 'dirty' picture…

"But, Iruka-koi!"

"No 'buts', Kakashi. No sex for a week. And that's final."

Thoughtful look. "Just no sex?"

Glare. "No _anything_ for a week."

Devastation. "Iruka-koi!"

"Uhm… Someone just killed-"

"One of the boys is dead?"

"No… One of my girls!" Waterfall of tears. "Who would _do_ such a thing! Oh the cruelty of the world!"

Eye roll. "Oh please."

Jiraiya and Kakashi cling to one another, bawling. "So cruel!"

Behind the 'evil' picture…

Terror. "Itachi-sama!"

Seething. "They were _finally_ getting somewhere… That wench deserved to die!"

Cower. "Itachi-sama… You're so violent."

Preening. "Yes… I know." Plays with the others hair. "You knew that though…"

Frightened shivering. "Ha-Hai, Itachi-sama…"

Evil grin. "Now… Back to the show…"

Back with the boys…

Cling. "Sasuke… What if that was meant for us!"

Sigh. "It wasn't, dobe. If it were meant for us, it would've hit us." Eyebrow raise. "Or at least been closer."

"But-but-" Naruto crossed his arms and pouted. "You're no fun, Sasuke-teme."

Sharp glance. "What was that?"

Sticking out of tongue. "I said, you're no fun, teme." Eye roll. "I swear. You _are_ getting hard of hear-MMPH!"

Sasuke tackled Naruto back down to the floor, and covered his mouth with his own. Sasuke attacked Naruto's mouth, claiming it as his own. Their tongues slid against each other, fighting for dominance, but for Naruto it was a losing battle. He had had too late of a start. Not that he was complaining. Eventually, he let himself fall subject to Sasuke's control.

Behind the 'evil' picture…

Beam. "I always knew he'd be seme. Of course, I'd never expect anything less from a fellow Uchiha, never mind my own little brother." Dramatic pose. "I don't know what I would have done if he was uke."

Blink. "Itachi-sama…"

Red eyes flashed. "Silence, slave! Can't you see I'm in the middle of a monologue!"

Cower. "Sorry, Master!" Shaky pointing. "But Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun are still-"

Slap. "Why didn't you say so!"

Silent simmering. _'I'll get you back, Itachi-sama… One day… One day… I swear it. You'll see…'_

Behind the 'indifferent' picture…

Sigh. "It's just not satisfying enough just to watch."

A nod. "Agreed."

Side-ways glances. Questions asked with the eyes. An unvoiced agreement.

Lips met, hands roamed, clothing ruffled. Something clunked to the floor.

… Wait… What was that last one?

Neji and Shikamaru pulled apart and turned, to find Inuzuka Kiba, a.k.a. the dog-boy and current boyfriend of one Nara Shikamaru, staring at them, mouth agape.

Shikamaru paled. His hand reached out to the other boy. "Wait. Kiba, it's not what it looks like."

Kiba just stared at them, shell-shocked. Akamaru growled at the other two boys, before looking up at his master and whining pitifully.

Neji shifted, slightly uncomfortable. "He's right, Kiba. It's not what it looks like." He gestured at the wall behind him. "Naruto and Uchiha were… well, _are_… getting…" He closed his eyes. "They're probably going to have sex, and we were just caught up in the moment." He eyed Kiba. "However… You're more than welcome to join…"

Shikamaru looked over at Neji, startled at first, but then a smirk made its way across his face. He leered at Kiba. "Well… What do you say, Kiba? Are you game?"

Kiba blinked. Shook his head, blinked, and then grinned. "Fuck yeah!"

There were rushed movements, the dropping of clothes, and moans. Accompanied by the occasional bark.

Back with the _other_ boys…

Hands resumed their previous positions, before the interruption. They flitted under shirts, over skin, grabbing, groping, exploring.

Moans, whimpers, whispers, and sighs filled the air. Along with the sound of rustling cloth, and the occasional gasp.

The two boys nipped and licked at the other, just feeling, not rushing. Wanting to know the sounds the other could make. They were experimenting with their new 'instruments' and enjoying themselves, if one were to guess from the sounds they were making.

Behind the 'frilly' picture…

"Oh no! Hinata's fainted!"

Blue eyes glanced passed fingers that were hovering in front of them, from the covering of noses. "Blood loss, I'm guessing." Ino pulled her hands away from her face to check them. "And I'm going to go out on a limb and say we're not too far behind…"

Behind the 'dirty' picture…

Eyes were wide.

Kakashi shook his head in wonder. "Who would've guessed that those two were this vocal with each other…? I may not even have to read Icha Icha Paradise any more… Not with those two on my team…"

Jiraiya looked panicked. "You mean you're not going to buy my books any more!" He glomped Kakashi. "But Kakashi! You have to! You're my best customer! And I need you to help me find new material, too!"

A single eye curved. "Of course I'll still buy your books, Jiraiya-sama. I'll just have to hide them from my dolphin."

Eyes flashed. "I heard that, Kakashi! You will not read those books in my presence!"

Deflated. "Hai, Iruka…"

Behind the 'evil' picture…

Elation. …Can rocks be elated? "Oh! Joy! My otooto is _not_ a lost cause! I had been worried for a while…"

Thoughtfulness. "He may be useful…"

Red eyes swirled. "You are to stay away from my little brother. Is that understood, Oro-chan?"

Defiant glare. "My name isn't 'Oro-chan'. It is Orochimaru. And I will no longer listen to you, Itachi-kun. I will go my own way!" Dramatic pose.

Blank stare. "You do that, Oro-chan. We'll see who lasts longer." He offered his hand to Orochimaru.

Orochimaru eyed it warily, before accepting and shaking it. He then slithered off into the darkness, never to return to Itachi again.

Eye roll. "Finally. I thought I'd never be rid of him."

Atop the roof…

A lone figure gathered his sand eye.

"Curses…"

With a shrug, he decided to enter the hotel, in search of something.

* * *

XX This chapter killed me dead. I swear... OTP3::is ded: OTP4! If you include Akamaru! Omigosh! I've been tainted! Blame TeniPuri for that... XD TeniPuri... But for serious. I almost died. I'm so _not_ used to writting anything of the smutty variety... I guess I should up the rating of this... Maybe... OMG... Someone just shoot me now! -.- I deserve to be shot. What is wrong with me! Tell me what you thought of this chapter... So I'll know if I should just roll over and die now...

Reviewers are love!

**StormyMist**- XD I make you laugh! I'm so glad I make you laugh with this story! I will!

**VulpineRequiem**- XD Thank ya! I'm glad you're amused.

**Tentenisgod**- Yep! I did::gives bags upon bags of Pepperidge Farm cookies: I don't bribe... ; Yes... It was short... But this one's longer! XD That's exactly what I was thinking when I wrote that part! Ahaha! Yersh. They are. I was just worried that people would be upset with me...

**oo**- I swear... Everyone in Naruto _is_ a voyeur... I stand by that. They're all closet perverts. XD Poor Orochimaru... Aha! Not! Itachi pwnz all. Everyone's his bitch... I love crack! XD I will!

**Trekiael**- XD Who wouldn't want to spy on those two! I think that Sasuke's the perviest of them all. He just doesn't show it in public. XD Thank you!

**Prozacfairy**- Hinata came close. XD I love that about manga and anime. Hehe! I would totally be there with you! But we musn't forget the Buncha Crunch! XD

**Shadow Kitsune67**- XD I'm so glad! They DO rock! XD That makes me happy!

**Ly Mizukage**- OO Nose-bleed! Teehee! XD

**Tsunade-sama**- :D Yay!

**ss**- Thank you for reminding me about him. ; I can't believe I forgot Gaara::huggles Gaara: Forgive me, Gaara-sama!

**Love Squared**- OO XD Sorry 'bout that. I just thought it was a perfect place to cut off. XP I'm evil like that.

Thank you all for reading! You make me smile! And it means I don't need to sick Itachi on you! So review! Those of you who just read, please let me know what you think. It'll help me be a better writer! I'll know what you want to read more of and less of!

Please don't ask about anything that I did in the chapter... The characters made me. They feel like being like that. I swear I have no control over them. T.T

Anway! Review, and you'll make me a very happy banana!

Itachi- :stares stonily at readers:

Me- Don't scare them away, Itachi! We like them! ;

Itachi- ...Review... Or else...


	5. Chapter 5

I'M SO SORRY:sobs: I know! I've taken FOREVER to update! And this chapter isn't even longer! It's shorter:wails: I'm so sorry!

Me and Ritchan- WE APOLOGIZE! WE'RE SO SORRY! PLEASE! TRY TO FORGIVE US!

Me- :blink: Ritchan? How'd you get here?

Ritchan- I'M SO SORRY! I SHOULD'VE CALLED OR SOMETHING BEFORE! PLEASE! FORGIVE ME!

Itachi- :twitch:

Me- XD; Ritchan? I think it's best if you go... Right now... You don't want to be around Itachi-chan when he gets mad...

Ritchan- I'M SO SOR- :falls unconscious:

Me- XD; Uhm! Yes! 'tachi-chan! Disclaimer, please!

Itachi- If you really think that she owns Naruto, you're more pathetic than I thought.

Me- Itachi! XD; Sorry!

Itachi- Plus, Naruto and Sasuke would be smexing in every episode, Sakura would either be dead or at least cool, and I would also find ways of smexing Sasuke. And Naruto.

Me- o.0... No comment. XD;

Itachi- I can't believe I said 'smexing'... Excuse me while I go wash my mouth out with soap...

Me- :); Well! Now that he's gone, I'll introduce the chapter! Again. Sorry it took so long and sorry it's not longer. XD; Review anyway:beam:

* * *

Hands roamed freely, stroking, pinching and rubbing where ever they saw fit. 

Moans, gasps and groans could be heard, filling the room. Urging the other on.

Pant. "Shouldn't we move this onto the bed, Sa-ah-ss-suke?"

A low growl. "I refuse to have to deal with the trouble of stopping just to move so that you're more comfortable. We're staying here." A nip affirmed this statement.

A glare. "Well maybe I should just put an end to all of this if you're so uncaring over my well-being." Pouting.

Eyes narrowed. "I don't think so, dobe. I won't let you put an end to it." Another well placed nip to confirm. "Besides, I don't think you really want to stop this." A conveniently timed stroke brought forth a moan from the submissive.

A bite of the lip, hands gripping the carpet. "I h-hate you, Sasuke-teme."

Sasuke smirked against Naruto's neck. "Mm… Sure you do, Naru-chan, sure you do."

A whimper. "Please can we move to the bed?" A squirm. "My ass is falling asleep…"

The smirk transformed into a devious grin, and suddenly, Naruto wished he was very far away. Hopefully with the perfect Sasuke-repellent; the pink thing that was their other teammate.

Behind the 'frilly' picture…

"Ah-choo!"

"B-Bless you, Sakura."

Glare. "Shut up, forehead! Do you want them to know we're here!"

Sakura settled for glaring right back, while Inner Sakura raged on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on… Until some merciful (read: fucking annoyed as hell) god smote her where she stood.

Ino blinked at the charred patch of carpet next to her. Hinata nearly fainted.

All that remained was the ghastly pink hair. (I always knew… Only cockroaches and that hair could survive something like that…)

Behind the 'evil' picture…

Evil rubbing of hands. "Yes… Yes… Yes, otooto. I always knew that you had a deviant, sexy side." Tear. "I'm so proud." Scowl. "I'm still not too happy about who you've decided on, Sasu-chan… I do believe I am jealous. Of both of you."

…

"I feel rather lonely right now." Consideration. "I wish I had an unusual companion. One who would throw people off with his appearance. Who is somewhat… fish-like. No. Shark-like. And who will do my bidding. Oh-oh! And whose name is fairly easy to remember."

A puff of smoke.

Coughing.

Red eyes narrow in a frown. Semi-frown. For rocks never show too much facial movement. It is against their code of conduct.

The smoke cleared, revealing an unusual being. One who would've thrown Itachi off-balance, if he was someone who could be caught unawares. Who seemed somewhat… fish- or shark-like. And who looked as though he could be controlled by someone of high power.

Blink.

Was this who he was wishing for?

"What's your name?"

Confusion. "Kisame…?"

A sly, small smile.

An easy to remember name.

Oh yes. Fortune was always good to Uchiha Itachi. It must be the hair. It was just so long and pretty. Or the nail-polish. … Yeah. It was definitely the nail-polish. Not many people can pull of purple nail-polish. And keep it nice? Psh! This man must be a god among men. Yes. Things always went well for Uchiha Itachi.

Behind the 'indifferent' picture…

In the mess of limbs and bodies, the boys had managed to get themselves to the floor. Akamaru whined pitifully as he desperately fought against the hands holding him. It was a pool of limbs, sweat, panting and sand.

…

Actually, the sand was getting very uncomfortable. It was finding its way into… unsavory places. The three paused and looked up, finding themselves staring at a blank red-head.

Gaara, a.k.a. - the heartless killing machine, the ruthless ninja, the vessel of a demon, the red-headed ninja in front of them, the _boyfriend_ of Hyuuga Neji, stared back.

Neji blinked.

Gaara blinked.

Kiba blinked.

Shikamaru … closed his eyes.

Akamaru collapsed.

More staring. More blinking.

Neji cleared his throat. "Gaara…"

Gaara stared blankly back. "Hyuuga."

Kiba winced for Neji. "Jeeze, Gaara! Get the sand outta your ass and just… join the fun!"

Green eyes gave a sharp glance, causing more wincing.

Neji shrugged. "He's got a point, Gaara…"

The eyes traveled back to Neji.

Tense silence. Apprehensive waiting.

"Fine."

The room let out a breath of relief before being caught up in other activities.

Back with the other boys, the ones we're all here for…

Naruto found himself on the bed. He didn't remember how he got here. Hell, he couldn't even remember where or who he was this moment. All he knew was that he'd never felt this good before.

…

Oh yeah… Now he remembered. He turned his head to find himself face to face with Sasuke. He grinned.

"Hiiii…"

Glower. "It took you five fucking seconds. _Five seconds, Naruto_! Did you even think about me? Did you think that I might appreciate some reciprocation? Hm? Did you!"

Sheepish smile. "Uhm…? Heh heh… Why don't we go and find some… food… Yeah! Food! Good idea! Let's go get some food!" He launched himself out of the bed and hurried over to the door.

Sasuke's eyes followed him from his position on the bed, narrowing with every second.

Reaching the door, Naruto flung it open. (He'd been careful to step over the woman…)

Thud.

"NARUTO! PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

* * *

Yes... That's my story... :sigh: I can't really say as though I'm proud of myself... OT5... No real action... Complete and utter chaos... I don't know what's happened to my brain. Yes. I've eluded to Uchihacest. (I'M SORRY! THEY'VE PULLED ME OVER TO THE DARK SIDE! I COULDN'T RESIST! So... pretty... pretty... together... XD) And I think I've lost a few brain cells. And killed some of yours! Sorry! XD; And yes. I killed Sakura. PH34R! Who cares?

REVIEW RESPONSE CORNER!

**pixiegirl100**- Sorry! I didn't die, but I'm afraid my updating sucks. :D;

**LoveSquared**- Yesh! Gaara has arrived:) :huggles Gaara: I kinda was too...

**tea**- Itachi is my all time favorite. XD This hotel is full of crack. And pervs. And voyeurs! Anything can happen! XD

**Rikouchan**- XD Yay! 'Course they're all pervs... What's new! XD

**Trekiael**- Oh... Gaara could never be ebil in my eyes! XD He's too cuddly! Total threesome! (Foursome if you include Akamaru. :is shot:) Oh, Sasu-chan is a TOTAL perv! I think he beats Kakashi and Jiraiya. I know! I mean... I can see where MAYBE they could switch off... But Sasuke would never allow himself to bottom permantly! It IS in their genetics! XD

**Prozacfairy**- Buncha Crunch is only the best candy-stuff you buy in a theatre ever! It's like mini Crunch Bars. Very mini ones. XD I wont!

**Bullwinkle**- XD Killed me dead to write them like that. x.X (Some are now... 'preoccupied'...)

_Kemper_- XD That makes me feel good:) Another chapter it is!

_bboy30de_- XD Yay! A review! He wont! He loves reviews. :)

**angelofdeath911**- Yay:) He would call Iruka something he would find embarrasing. :) Plus, I love pet names. :)

_Walker Pierce_- Score! Intensely entertaining and odd! Here's the new chapter! Sorry it took so long!

**fox gal**- GLAD YOU LOVE IT! XD

Yea... So. Review. Tell me what you thought.

Itachi- Do it or she dies.

Me- XD; Now, now, 'tachi-chan... Don't be so dramatic...

Itachi- No. I mean I'll kill you if they don't.

Me- O.O Please review!

Itachi- And I will be a happy rock.

Me- Rocks don't have feelings...

Itachi- :blank stare:

Me- XD; Review and I shall again be a happy banana:)

Itachi- Bananas don't have feelings.

Me- Hush! Yes they do!

Sakura- Actually, he's right. They don't. Bananas are not living things. Only living things may have feelings. Like animals, and humans. Bananas are- :gets run over by a train... twice...:

Me- :looks innocent: What?

Itachi- ...Why am I even here...

Me- 'Cause you wanna watch Sasuke get it on. -.-

Itachi- Oh. Right. :goes back to his picture:

Me- ;;;; Please review! XD;


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